Death
by sherazard
Summary: Why do nightmares come true, but dreams don't? (Warning: Mentions of shoujo-ai/yuri, suicide)


You know, I never thought I'd be sitting here, alone in the rain, without a friend in the world and just...so tired.

I don't know how long I've been here, but I think I've been here damn long enough.

This is one of the places in Masara Taun that I love. Sitting by the fountain the city square, feeling the mists of water against my back, and the cold rain against the rest of my body.

She loves another.

I was so stupid, so foolish to believe that she'd have _any_ feelings towards a seventeen-year-old kid when she could obviously have the twenty-one-year-old that had swept her off her feet and attained her heart in a way that I could not.

So why did I still foolishly hope, only to see them break my heart?

I saw them kissing underneath a cherry blossom tree in a park at Tamamushi City, looking so peaceful and in love. I didn't say a word, completely broke my promise to come see her for a bit of "catching-up" and came back home. Actually, more like came back to town. I haven't gone home yet. I've been sitting here ever since I came back from Tamamushi City. My cell rang three times, all from _her_, asking where I was. I got so frustrated that I threw my phone into the fountain. I don't need it, I can just get another one. Money isn't a problem for me or my family now.

I know I'll receive a hefty earful from Kasumi, demanding an explanation as to why I would completely blow-off an engagement and not even bother notifying her about it. Then I'll probably be smacked repeatedly with her mallet and left bruised and sullen.

The prospect of that is so appealing that I'm almost tempted to run home, pick up the phone and tell Kasumi that I didn't go to Tamamushi City today.

Almost.

Oh well. I can just sit in the rain and try to numb myself, can't I?

After all, you can't tell the Pokemon Grand Master that he _can't_ sit on a bench in a thunderstorm at almost ten PM in the city square of his home town, now can you?

* * *

When I get my hands on Satoshi, not only will I beat him within an inch of his life, I will probably castrate him!

I can't believe that he'd leave Erika waiting at the park for over **_FOUR_** hours! Natsume has called his cell three times, only to receive his voicemail message! I can't believe him! He would _never_ blow off an engagement like that!

Here I am, fretting and pacing in Hanada City, on the phone and hoping to catch the little asshole on the phone. However, to my surprise, I am greeted by the sight of Hanako's worried visage.

"Kasumi, is that you?"

"Hai, Toraeru-sama. Is there something wrong?"

"Please, call me Hanako. Is Satoshi there?"

Now I'm surprised. Satoshi isn't in Masara? "Iya, Hanako. He isn't here. He should be in Tamamushi City, meeting with Natsume and Erika, but Erika called and said that he hadn't shown up for their lunch meeting."

"I tried calling his cell, but I think he has it turned off," replied Hanako. "I'm worried about him. He has never been out without telling me for this long, or at least leaving a message about whether if he has extra work or not."

Now _I'm_ worried. This isn't like Satoshi at all. I can be a little forgiving about it if he had work to do, and couldn't get in touch with them, but if he had work and didn't contact his own mother, then there's something definitely wrong. Really wrong. _Horribly wrong_.

"Hanako, I'll be right over. I have to talk to Satoshi anyway, and he'll come home eventually, ne?" I offered.

"That isn't necessary. I'm sorry to bother you Kasumi," she answers, declining.

"Iya, no trouble at all. I want to come," I said. "It will be good to see you again Hanako."

She smiles at me, and I know that she has accepted. I hang up the phone with her, only to be rung again, this time by Takeshi. He tells me that Satoshi is nowhere near Sekiei Kougen, and that his cell phone is indeed turned off. I had called him after I hung up with Erika, asking him to call the Shitennou to ask whether Satoshi was working late. Kanna had answered the phone, by what he told me, and she had informed him that Satoshi had taken the day off.

If he wasn't in Masara, not at Sekiei Kougen...then just exactly where was he?

* * *

I didn't think Satoshi would be rude enough to completely forget our engagement.

Erika was crushed that he had not come, and after getting off the phone with Kasumi, she had looked a bit crestfallen.

When I see Satoshi, I will be sure to scold him.

The phone rings, and Erika picks it up. I can tell that it is Kasumi, judging by the voice on the other end, and in the mannerism in which Erika speaks to the caller. It is definitely Kasumi. Nobody can string together those kinds of obscenities like she can. There is something wrong, I can sense it.

"You are saying that _nobody_ knows where he is?"

Satoshi's missing?

"Well, I _could_ have the Junsa check out the city for him...but I highly doubt he's here."

Erika continues to talk to Kasumi, but another voice enters their conversation. A three-way conversation is going on, between Kasumi, Erika and by the other voice, perhaps Satoshi's mother.

Granted, Erika and I are involved, but it is different. Yes, I am bisexual, but there's someone else that I would be with, but Erika loves me, and I love her, so all is well and I'm content, happy. He is younger than me, but age does not matter. If only he could see me beyond the fact that I am his elder. I would give up my life if it meant that he loved me. I know that it is an unrequited love, so I chose to love Erika, who has loved me for a long time.

I notice a change of tone in Erika's voice, something akin to sorrow. "Wha--what do you mean...?"

What's going on?

"I..."

I interrupt their conversation. "What's going on?"

My guess was complete wrong. It was _not_ Hanako, but rather, an angry looking Imite. "I just found Satoshi."

"Where is he?" I ask.

"He's here, in Masara. I'm in town because I have a performance. I was walking towards Satoshi's home when I noticed someone sitting on a bench in the middle of the city, out in a torrential downpour in nothing but a shirt, pants, socks and shoes. I approached him and tried to ask for direction to Satoshi's house when he said, 'Hello Imite. Are you coming to my house?'"

I paled. He had been sitting outside in this storm?!

"He escorted me here, and bade his mother good night, walked upstairs and here I am now, on the phone, calling," she finished.

"Is he all right?" I query, concerned about the Pokemon Grand Master.

Imite scowls at me. "He'll be fine."

The call was abruptly disconnected.

Did I do something wrong?

* * *

"I can't believe you made me lie to them like that Satoshi," I hiss.

He shrugs, and I know that he does not care. He has packed his bags, he checks the Monster Balls attached to his belt, and he beckons Pikachuu to his side, to which she complies. I can't believe him, I can't believe _all_ of this is happening!

"What are you going to tell Takeshi and Kasumi?! Their wedding is next month!" I cried out.

"I'll be there for that," he reassures. "I'm just going to live in Jouta, that's all."

"What about your _mother_?" I screech. Yes, I know I'm being a bit melodramatic, but seriously, I don't think he should be doing this.

"My mother knows about this," he tells me. "She has known for a long time."

"I can't believe you Satoshi! You're being so...so petty!"

He looks at me, hurt. I immediately regret my words, but before I can say anything, he's gone. Again.

I sigh, and slump down onto his bed. I can hear the front-door open and close. I hear the sound of a Pijotto, flapping wings and then silence.

He is gone.

To where, I do not know.

* * *

One Month Later, Nibi City. Kasumi and Takeshi's wedding. 

I anxiously shifted from foot to foot, waiting for my long-time friend and almost little-brother. I had not spoken to him since "that" day, and even then, he had not said much. I hoped that he had found someone he could love, but knew that he would find no other. I wish I could help him, after all, I was marrying Kasumi. She had been his first girlfriend, and although he took the news of our being in love quite well, I knew that he had never completely gotten over having lost her to me. It wasn't that he thought I didn't love her, it was just that I was his best-friend, and a girl he thought had loved him, loved another and left him out in the cold. I knew that feeling, and I knew that he was feeling that now.

"Hello Takeshi."

I looked up to find the tall form of my friend standing there. His black hair was neat and styled, his immaculate clothes looking surprisingly well on him. I hugged him, and he hugged me in kind. We were good friends, and although it had deteriorated slightly, our friendship was strong. "Hello Satoshi. It has been a long time."

He merely smiled at me, albeit it was so demure, reserved and quiet. "I cannot miss my best-friend's wedding. That would be terribly wrong."

Taken back by his change of demeanor, I nod and smile. "I knew you wouldn't disappoint me."

His only response is an odd look before he walks next to me, walking towards our home. Natsume and Erika had arrived the previous day, since they were going to be the bridesmaids, along with Merodii. Natsume was the maid-of-honor, and I had appointed Satoshi as my best man. It was terribly cruel of us to appoint the one person that Satoshi could not have to be his charge up and down the aisles, but we knew that they would never be able to solve this themselves, and all they needed was a push in the right direction.

At least, that is what my fiancee says.

I just hope that this can go without trouble.

* * *

I am very anxious to see him.

After hearing of his move to the Jouta region, I had never seen him in the office and I stopped caring.

Or at least, that is what I like to tell myself.

I know that I'll always love him, no matter what comes between us.

Erika proposed to me, and I accepted.

She and I are getting married next year, and sometimes, I wish it was _him_ that I was getting married to.

However, I just sigh and look out the window, and I see Takeshi walking up with a young man by his side. I know that that is Satoshi. Nobody could look so dignified and handsome in black than he.

* * *

After the Wedding Ceremony 

I stand out in the cold air, inhaling the smell and the sight of Nibi City. I am to depart tonight back to my home in Jouta, and I have learned of her engagement, and I know now, that I had never stood a chance in gaining her affections. Sighing quietly, I retire from the celebrations and I will leave a short departing message for them. I must get back to Jouta as quickly as possible. Too much thoughts can drown me.

"Where are you going Satoshi?" a voice asks me.

Inwardly, I curse them. I know who it is. It is _her_. My love, my everything, my untouchable, unattainable love. "Just out for some air."

She nods. "That was a beautiful speech."

"Thank you," I reply.

With that, I walk away.

Then I laugh. It is a pity really, that she will not realize that I am going home until I don't return from my "walk".

Are people that guillible?

* * *

_I'm sorry I had to leave early. I had some business that came up that I have to take care of. Your present is lying there on the bed._

_Give everyone my regards._

_- Satoshi._

So he believes that he can just run away, does he?

I will show him exactly why he cannot run from me.

* * *

One Year Later, Erika and Natsume's Wedding 

I am a nervous wreck.

He _promised_ Kasumi that he would be here.

It is _ten minutes_ before I get married to my beloved! Where **_IS HE?!_**

Just then, Imite walks in, looking pale. Kasumi is alarmed and rushes to her side. In her hand, she holds an envelope and a letter. Tears are running down her face, and I know that there is something terribly wrong. I can feel it.

"Imite! What is it?!"

"He...he..."

"Who?"

"S--Sato..."

"Satoshi? What about Satoshi?" Kasumi asks.

Now I'm feeling even _more_ anxious than I am now.

As if something snaps in Imite, she goes into hysterics. "**HE LOVED YOU DAMNIT! HE LOVED YOU!**"

I reel in shock.

"He loved you with all of his being! Now he's not even here anymore! He's gone!" she screamed at me.

He...loved me...?

"Where is he?" I demand.

Her teary eyes pierce my own. "America! He's gone and he's _not coming back_!"

No...

Please no...

Satoshi, come back...

It's my wedding, please Satoshi...

I love you too.

* * *

I'm sorry Natsume.

I'm so very sorry.

I love you.

* * *

_**Kanto Times  
April 11  
**Pokemon Grand Master Commits Suicide_

_The Pokemon Grand Master of the Sekiei Kougen, Jouta and Orenji Leagues, Toraeru Satoshi was found dead in his hotel room last night in New York City. It was said that he was supposed to be attending the wedding of the joining of Tamamushi City Gym Leader Hanakura Erika and the Yamabuki City Gym Leader Mitushiro Natsume._

_The reports from the American police have stated that he had overdosed on painkillers and alcohol. He was found lying on the bed, as if he was merely sleeping. The maid that found him reported that she had seen an empty bottle of pills and several bottles of vodka lying around the bed, and when she checked for a pulse, she had found none._

* * *

I watch her in silence, as the tears roll down her face. All of the news agencies are covering this story, and it is killing her.

She loved him, and he loved her, but he was gone now.

Dead.

It's funny, just how that one word can mean so much. Four letters, but it's a message of doom. I want to comfort her, to show her that I still love her, and that I'll always love her. She is distraught and shattered beyond repair. When I read the newspaper this morning, I dropped it in shock. The headline was screaming out at me, and when Natsume looked at the headline, I wish I didn't have to see her at that moment.

Her face had been frozen into a mask of shock, denial, pain and fear. Outright fear. Then she choked out a soft whimper, and then she began to cry, her tears falling down her smooth, pale cheek as she sobbed and screamed his name, asking the empty air to bring him back. Yes, I knew that he loved her, but I had never known that she had loved him, and with so much passion.

Now I'm crying, at the woman who will never be able to fully give herself to me.

I hate you Satoshi.

* * *

"I hate you Satoshi."

It hurt me.

She hates you.

I hate you too.

I hate you for the fact that you left me alone, hurt and vulnerable. I hate you for being you, and for being stupid enough to kill yourself.

The only reason why I was living was because I knew you were still there, alive and well. But now, you're gone, you're dead and I want you. I need you, please... come back. Won't you come back and love me?

I love him, God I love him so much.

Why...why didn't you tell me? I would have gone with you to the ends of the Earth if it meant that you would love me!

I'm still a virgin; I was saving myself until my wedding night. I always dreamt that it would be him who would be my first. Instead, it could have been Erika, but the wedding has been called off until after his funeral.

Funeral.

I can't believe that he's dead.

Satoshi.

I don't think she realizes that she said it out loud, but I don't care. I just want him to love me.

I love you Satoshi.

I'm sorry.

You're dead now.

Dead.

Sounds so final, so...curt.

I don't want you to be dead!

I want you to be alive, and with me, loving me forever...

Why do nightmares come true, but dreams don't?

My dream came true; you love me.

At the same time, my biggest nightmare came true; you're gone, dead, never to return to me.

I know nothing I can do will ever bring you back to me, so I will do the next best thing.

I'll join you.

I love you Satoshi.

Even in death.

* * *

- End

Author's Notes:

This one was a bit...challenging to write. I had to make sure that the reader had to make the right connections to find out who loved who, except for the couples that were laid out bluntly.

As always, comments and criticisms are welcomed.

(Sakashiping, Gymshipping, Femgymshipping, and an Ash [Satoshi] and Sabrina [Natsume] pairing.)


End file.
